Being Heard
Wanting your voice heard can sometimes be buried deep within, and therefore not always obvious, you were, after all, taught it wasn’t safe to use it.
Probably, anytime you tried you were shut down.
Consider how that impacted you throughout your life in the choices that were made. Sometimes, the work or role you took may have been one that had you speaking out a lot or leading a team.
Even to this day, that may still be you. But what if there was a deeper reason behind it? What if you found yourself in these roles because you are trying to express yourself and use your voice?
Conversely you may be someone who chose roles that kept you very much in the background and not an ‘obvious’ leader, as such. Whichever way it is for you, finding and using your voice will always be a subliminal desire, whether you know it, or not, and a crucial and non-negotiable part of the healing process.
For too many survivors, voices were not just taken but silenced completely.
Think about where you are in your own life and the confidence level you have in speaking out, understanding that being heard was unavailable to you. To then expect to become an eloquent and strong self-advocate is unlikely, unless it is worked with, at a deep and comprehensive cellular level.
All this understanding is key to developing more personal insight into you and the world you live in. There is no perfect way of using your voice other than checking in with yourself about whether you feel you can speak out. This is relevant to all and any situations, not just your personal history of child sexual abuse. The way survivors were conditioned was to be prohibited from speaking, so it makes sense it shows itself in work environments or family situations where there is a perceived imbalance or injustice.
Even more so when you are in those situations where dominance or intimidating behaviours are shown. These simply reflect what you were taught, replicating the child abuse dynamic that occurred.
Words and expressing who you are is key to healing the complex trauma you suffered. It is not straightforward and can feel overwhelming at times. Significantly, however long it takes is exactly how long is needed. Read that again. Fighting it, only prolongs it.
In my case, I am so glad I worked my way through it, as it freed me, and now you can’t stop me speaking out! Your story will be different as will the impact on you, but I wanted to make sure you know it is possible to do this.
You can make it to the other side.
As I look back, I realise it is a herculean process and took me decades before I understood the link between my fear in speaking out as an adult, and why it felt so overwhelming and frightening. At first, I didn’t get it, what was wrong with me? Especially in situations where I felt wronged or had a different opinion. Once I had spent time in therapy and understood the reality of my childhood, I was slowly but surely able to make sense of my behaviour and struggle to ‘stand my ground’ in the light of differing opinions. And then finally one day, I could see where the connection was. I connected the dots.
The point of this is designed to offer you hope, beautiful one.
You are on your own unique path, finding your way back to the real you, the authentic you, the you that should always have been. You have everything you need residing within and will notice more and more that words will emerge, and even one special day without fear.
That is the very least owed to you.