It’s Xmas
Getting through Xmas, can be an overwhelming ask for us as Survivors.
While many people experience joy and celebration during this time, we can feel the opposite through difficult emotions, painful memories, and feelings of isolation surfacing.
Part of the reason for this, and not often discussed, is that most abuse occurred over holiday periods when abusers were on leave and had greater access to us.
There is a way that helps move through this in a less traumatised way and it begins with recognising that your feelings are valid.
Xmas can bring up sadness and anger which means you may feel overwhelmed by people’s expectations of joy or togetherness. The pressure to conform to these celebrations can be especially hard, as memories of trauma may be triggered by certain sights, sounds, or even smells associated with the season. That is all entirely normal and to be expected, but you don’t have to be controlled by it, there are things you can do to help you feel safe and in charge.
Choosing where to be and for how long is something you can control, so for instance, if being back in the family home for the day is too much, shorten it to a timeframe you can tolerate. You are able to lead the way in terms of what you want to do, or not. You are in charge of you and no longer the powerless child. You are now the powerful adult who needs to be heard and respected on this issue.
Another less discussed point is around seeing ‘the abuser’, especially if they are a family member. So, let me make it crystal clear ‘That is an outdated and destructive concept and unless you wish to and are healed enough to manage it, I would stay away, as far away as possible. This is the time where you must honour you first, and do what makes you feel safest. If that means you can’t be at the family Xmas, choose a trusted friend or loved one and be with them instead.
It’s important to have someone to listen to, and create a space for you to express your feelings. Having a safe person around you, or available by phone is key. Grab the support that wasn’t there for you as a child, it is available to you now. You were alone then, you are not now. Use this to reinforce the amazingness you possess (not sure if that is an actual word, but still….You get the point).
Keep in mind that whether you want to talk about your trauma or not, is over to you. If you need silence, having someone willing to be present and supportive without judgment is invaluable: you will already instinctively know who that person is.
Make a point to celebrate you by gifting yourself what you love, enjoy and brings you happiness. If that is having some alone time, grab that, if that is you dancing with your partner, do that. Make sure to raise your vibration by celebrating who you are and how far you have come.
Look at what you have achieved in spite of everything you went through!!
And finally from me to you:
Merry Xmas beautiful ones,
You are free to celebrate however you wish, and be with whomever you choose. Your legacy, (yes you do have one), is your ability to hold your head up high and live your holiday season knowing you survived the unspeakable.
Power to you, and love to your loved ones.